(Universal Truths)

Some things will always be true no matter what. Here are a few of them...

• TRIANGULAR SANDWICHES TASTE BETTER THAN SQUARE ONES.

• RUMMAGING IN AN OVERGROWN GARDEN WILL ALWAYS TURN UP A BOUNCY BALL.

• YOU ALWAYS FEEL A BIT SCARED WHEN YOU STROKE A HORSE.

• OLD LADIES CAN EAT MORE THAN YOU THINK.

• THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING YOU CAN DO AS A SCHOOLCHILD IS TO CALL YOUR TEACHER MUM OR DAD.

• SOME DAYS YOU SEE A LOT OF PEOPLE ON CRUTCHES.

• WHEN YOU FIND A GREEN CRISP IN A PACKET, YOU'RE NEVER QUITE SURE IF IT'S OK TO EAT IT.

• IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO LOOK COOL WHILST PICKING UP A FRISBY.

• (Males) SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A KNIFE MAKES YOU FEEL REALLY MANLY.

• IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE THE SMELL OF A WET COAT.

• THERE'S NO PANIC LIKE THE PANIC YOU MOMENTARILY FEEL WHEN YOU GET YOUR HAND OR HEAD STUCK IN SOMETHING.

• DRIVING THROUGH A TUNNEL MAKES YOU FEEL EXCITED.

• YOU NEVER EVER RUN OUT OF SALT.

• YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE TO LOOK WHEN EATING A BANANA.

• THE SMALLER THE MONKEY THE MORE IT LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD KILL YOU AT THE FIRST GIVEN OPPORTUNITY.

• EVERYONE HAD AN UNCLE WHO TRIED TO STEAL THEIR NOSE.

• MEN KNOW THAT THEY HAVE TURNED INTO THEIR FATHERS THE DAY THAT THEY PUT ASIDE A THIN PIECE OF WOOD SPECIFICALLY TO STIR PAINT.

• NOBODY EVER MAKES CUP-A-SOUP IN A BOWL.

• YOU'RE NEVER QUITE SURE WHETHER IT'S AGAINST THE LAW OR NOT TO HAVE A FIRE IN YOUR BACK GARDEN.

• BRICKS ARE HORRIBLE TO CARRY.

        (and finally...)

• OLD WOMEN WITH MOBILE PHONES... JUST LOOK WRONG!

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